Unexplaneable

The woman on the plane screamed like a baby
Her actions farthest from a dignified lady
In fact when the plane took of the ground
She gasped for air until it touched back down

As the wheels left the finely paved runway
She spoke loudly to herself like a castaway
Twas quite bothersome and rather annoying
It kept the child behind her from game-boying

"I've never been on a plane!" she exclaimed
A man to my right whispered something profane
"Are we off the ground yet?" she screamed
Everyone within ears reach started to squeam

But when one takes a second to think about it
Her fear is no longer hard to interpret
We fly through the sky in a hunk of metal
Crammed in our seats like dogs in a kennel

The giant winged penis creeps from its terminal
Once the old pilot has checked all the variables
Weather, machinery, fuel and adequate engines
Proper capacity, direction, thrusters, rear fins

The flight attendant shares useless information
While no one even pretends to pay attention
"Use the seat cushion during an emergency"
When headless chickens will beg God for mercy

She wears a plastic smile with excessive elation
So if the plane plummets, we'll know the formation
to make adjacent to the inflatable ballon slide
That will probably get punctured during the ride

When those wheels fold back into their shaft
Everyone onboard will pretend to relax
Pushing the thought of plummeting 30,000 feet
And incinerating like a piece of vaporized meat

But when that small voice in everyone's head
Refuses to comply and go back to bed
A lady who finally yells the unthinkable
Ensures that small voice is forever untamable

So instead of mocking her for reasonable fear
Why not be helpful, lend a friendly ear
Bring out your small voice and attempt to console
But who is bold enough to take on this role?

So nobody says anything for the full six hours
The blood trickling from ears must now be scoured
The man in front of me has lost hair on his head
As wife to his left drank herself to sleep instead

And when the plane's wheels touch the land
The seatbelts come off and everyone stands
Some call their relatives whom they will soon meet
But the lady sits still, she has fallen asleep