equal parts

remonstrate
bewitched state
you tried so hard
to deviate

now fall in
your coffin
you rest there
go nowhere

"strip!"

how i dream

of slipping out of

this skin

shedding the weight 

and walls

and reasons

that keep me bundled

up inside

always dressed for winter

in my heart

bare.

we grew 

out of the frame 

that we built 

on slipshod ledges

and canvased stone

the house

it caved

yet you stand 

outside

bell ringing 

waiting for the ghost 

you loved 

to answer 

that ring

bounces off

decayed walls

flaked splinters 

coat scuffed marble 

inside 

in a bare room 

just bones and bowls 

i slink 

plucking feathers 

from dove's wings 

with eyes to the ceiling

and ears far gone. 

mind/gut vs. heart

i long for you

yet recoil 

at the thought 

of your touch

i feast on our past

yet fear 

the inevitable 

reunion

i want you back 

yet i am 

myself completely 

without you here 

i want to tell you

yet can't handle 

the eternal weight 

of my words

i still love you 

as much as 

the first time

yet i will never again 

be yours 

what is it

i keep on reaching
still i keep falling
but i see bodies
worn from their clawing
the dreams have faded
regret alone lingers
and deep in their palms
are thousands of splinters.

love is real.

I first saw her at school
she winked
I roared
she sauntered on over
and the scent of my socks made her vomit

we capered through fields
sun-drenched hair
love-locked eyes
smiles outshone the stars
and the reek of my socks made her vomit

her beauty freed all
how she went
how she breathed
heaven sang her praises
as the musk of my socks made her vomit

I asked her to marry
knee down
ring given
and before she said "yes"
the stench of my socks made her vomit

She gave me a child
she huffed
and she puffed
she pushed out our offspring
then the pungence of my socks made her vomit

Moved into the dorm
arms waved
"please behave"
off to college he went
and the whiff of my socks made her vomit

Grandchildren arrived
tikes reared
stories shared
we watched them grow up
and the stink of my socks made her vomit

now on her deathbed
hands squeezed
eyes milky
and right before she died
the smell of my socks made her vomit

oh.

i'm here

you're sure

yes 

i'm not

i am 

what if

then what

then what

indeed

don't fret

i am

you are

we can

are we

we are

we did

we will

how so

just wait

i am

you'll see

will i

will you

will i

we'll see

just be

okay

are you

i am 

my god

not now

i'm done

oh wow

right back

i see

okay

with me

let's go

yes, let's

alright

alright

wait

you're there

i am

you are
i am

figments 1

how do you

know 

these things 

I stare out 

into dark woods 

rain pouring 

wondering 

about homes

and the hands that have

built them

show me starch-starved legs

beneath a timid torso 

and hold me

hold me 

until i understand 

this way of going

figments 2

the tinge of you

it breaks me

in two

caught between love lost

and dreams broken

i 

one slow day at a time 

step in a 

particular direction 

with a headful of memories

and a heart

a heart 

that latches 

onto moss. 

archangel

Holding you

Let it be alone 

Loving you

Let it be alone

Kissing you 

Let it be alone 

Tell me I belong 

-Burial 

find me here.

find a way to this heart
before i lose your love in the dark
guided only by a tiny spark
extinguished, could tear us apart

blues man

I loved somebody so much 

I couldn't see 

Now I love nobody enough 

I cannot breathe. 

Return to me sweet melody 

Wrap your arms around me 

Touch me in places where 

I don't feel things 

Whisper sweet nothing 

Til this deadbeat heart sings 

Were it all for not I hope I'd know 

But I still love you baby 

Cannot let you go 

And now time passes slowly 

I'm biding my life 

Waiting for you

Waiting for you 

To come make it all right. 

gone.

all that glitters is gold
from this heart to these folds
if you understand the man
then you understand his prose

push back and then shove
slide it under the rug
if he's got a loose cannon
then he better look smug

on eternal trial
drawn out like the Nile
whitestrips pack a punch
so he's flashing a smile

throw it out and then shout
it's the end of a drought
he's showing off to peers
and gaining some clout

what you thought was wrong
is the climax of song
the gift that keeps giving
well after he's gone

here

too tired

to inspire

cracked gaze

farewell haze

simple cycles

ever trifled

burning now

for something more

heart shattered

brain matters

liver bursts

bourbon hearse

holy smoke

nearing broke

this can't be

all there is

comfort me

support please

getting close

fearing most

stop playing 

start saying

home is where

you already are

mannequin

her brokenness was beautiful
the way she slumped there
exactly
     as
            she
                   was
head bent, wet hair clinging
eyes clenched
legs folded over and inward
forcing the tears out
before downward
drowning in her own spell

nighttime visitor.

tucked in, teeth brushed, ready for bed
let my hair down from atop my big head
my book I grasped and started to read
and that is when I saw what I'd seen

Our eyes locked in the corner of the room
My heart kicked, like a babe in the womb
I jumped on my bed, now fully aroused
because i just saw a big fucking mouse

damn that rodent to hell, all comfort aside
i stay on my guard, outstretch my eyes
Loud noises and motions to stir the beast
but the tailed-leprachaun's antics won't cease

I hop atop my large bed and try to resume
my reading 'fore bed, but now I'm consumed
with thoughts of a monster slipped into my mouth
8 spiders in our sleep - just Snapple caps now!

I shut of the light and attempt at a dream
but mind's consumed, or so it would seem
by intruders who scurry and dart out of sight
shut up, conscience - it won't be a good night.

car on cabot

head pressed against yours
channel hope to skull
longing fingers fold
you bob, a buoy
to which i cling
drifting off for good

tear-conditioned hair
dark matter matted matters
you've never been
so small but then
we've never been this close

he's still there, I know
It's only right
that's how our story goes
I'll never know you
quite like him
but I will be there still

it's bad, so bad!
but I won't stop
endeavor for the pleasure
you're no good
you'll never be
that's why i love you so

four years to build this
blueprint blasphemy
no endgame or escape
you spill, I'm willed
back to your breast
I nestle there forever

lost it (kundera knows)

I spent all my time with you

But I can't remember your face

Stared into your eyes more 

Than any other eyes

Yet I can't remember your face 

How I kissed it so 

Caressed its lines 

Brushed the hair away 

So as to never forget 

But here I am now 

And I can't recall your face 

Is it possible 

I knew you better than your face 

Is it possible 

I knew you so well 

Your face didn't matter

Your face a filter into you

A filter I removed 

To see your self

And I forgot your face 

For once I saw your self 

Your face no longer mattered

I removed your face 

To see you

And tossed your face aside. 

And though I search 

I can't find your face 

I can't picture you 

Can't recall the lines 

Why'd I push the hair aside?

Why'd I gaze into those eyes?

When your face meant nothing 

Though it's all they have 

To know you by

And it's all they'll ever know

Your face meant nothing to me. 

It still means nothing to me 

Because I didn't care for your face
I wanted more. 

#strugglefest

everyone i know
is having a hard time
not one of my friends, lovers, parents
has it together

a collective funk
a widespread depression
plagues us each
we are islands among islands

oh how i want to lead the charge!
oh how my battle cry should unite!
oh how i should raise the weak
and lead with strength and passion!

but i too am in the lost camp
i too a weary wanderer in misdirection
someone else must pick us up
someone else can lead this charge.

bottled up

i wake up - a bottle of prepackaged emptiness
it doesn't take much to fill it
just a little something
to remind the container
what it's here for

come back.

curl your lips around my soul
how i'd melt when i was whole
tear me up or wear me down
i can't lose you now, i've found

we breathed as one every night
clung to you, i held you tight
limbs overlapped, skin exposed
to only you i felt this close

but the world moves in random ways
and then one day you moved away
i tried so hard, but couldn't console
the distance already took its toll

and now you're gone and i am here
heart aching, i hold back tears
selfish i know, but you can't be free
i need you now here beside me.

Sink.

Surrounded by couples 

In a city park 

On a damp Friday night 

They're all up or down tonight 

These people 

This weather doesn't breed

lukewarm dialogue 

Either a plea or mindless chatter

I am but an observer 

Heart heavy 

An internal downpour 

Torrential as it should be 

Finally feeling the weight 

Unbearable 

Yet desirable 

Oh burden me with this realness 

Let me sink to my core 

I know at the bottom 

There's more to find

And so I delight 

And holdfast to the anchor 

Knowing not how far down it goes. 

I'm drowning. I'm choking. 

And I feel most alive. 

longing

I keep thinking it will get easier to live without you
it doesn't
I keep clinging to that past we shared
The one where you illuminated my world,
held it like an orb in your hand

I put my head down and try to move on
busying myself with the remedial
Eschewing flashing glimpses of your smile
That threaten my every step forward

There's a part of me that wants to hurtle
myself back at you
Show you that you need me-
that in a world of variables
I'm a constant

But I know I can't
This passion can't be restored
through desperate plunges toward hope
And so we part
For now, at least
__________________________

Part II

I walk alone in the moonlight
Under the watch of streetlamps and your eyes
They follow me in the humid darkness

And before I look left I think to myself
"What if you're there, staring at me?"
Dressed in tattered clothes with arms open
A cracked smile and teary eyes
Despair scrawled upon your etched complexion
"What if you want me still as much as I want you?"

So I turn my head

But you're not there
And I draw the air back into my lungs
Bite down hard
And walk upstairs to dwell in my longing

gimme

you're right here

but I can't reach you

you're by my side

but what's beneath you

i lend an ear

just to hear you 

there's something there 

say what you need to

Weigh me down 

the meaning binds me

I'll stare into you

lost in findings

tell me things 

that I should hear

let your sweet venom

tickle my ear

let's smile again

and hold each other 

the time for it's now

might not be another. 

hold tight

"Come back to me!"
He screeched into the dawn
Knowing full well she was no longer his
Time spent sculpting wasted elsewhere
He swept her up but lost her too
Is he even worth praising?

His palms bled bright red with her blood
He waived them at passers-by
Why shift the burden of the weight
Another man will surely collect

But then she's gone, no longer his
He had her there! But now no more.
The seeds he sewed in boredom surely
Led to his own desctruction as fate foretold

And now he sits upon stoops of longing
The gentle breeze of her blows feverently
"Come back to me!"
He yelled into the darkness
He was hers
But he lost her.

beach.

Families come and families go

Units pooled, shared electrons

Flippers plunged in rippling waters

The sand it shifts but never settles. 

park

the first real ray of sun 

strokes your placid face 

eyes flutter

settling eventually 

between your fatigue 

and our rebirth. 

ode to air

Crisp air caress my face

I know I won't outgrow you

Your peeking friend up there

He knows

Now send that secret downward 

my eagles perched.

Here I stand atop an uncommon table

Overseer of this freely roamed land

Men who built me worn into the ground

Legacy etched on my weathered face

Mighty in stance, amenities boasting 

Three sisters keep watch under my feet

Brothers in arms near earth as angels

Vigilant by day, forgotten by night

"But our purpose abused!"

Scream the scribbles at base

Shameless mockery, anonymous foes

Terrifying indifference

"Hear me!" I cry into the void

An artifact I, though sturdy in heart

Can't bring a rock to change its ways

And exist I will, outliving them all 

In my nominal splendor. 

ledge.

Something about the touch of her hand

Made his bristles stand at attention 

She nestled her warmth against him

On that small cement ledge 

Beneath the overhang 

9-5ers in the background, fading

A lover's world only two feet wide

Droplets confirm, nature can vouch

That smile, wet smile 

Made everything right. 

Heaven knows

I look to the sky

Where my help comes from

And touch the clouds 

With both eyelashes

Feel my gaze reach toward the heavens

And the world beneath me

Breaks free of the mould 

I've encased it in 

wounds of you

How deep is your love

That glossy coat that lines everything I touch

The nullifier of my countless anxieties

That seem to stretch a thick, slushy trail 

How I feed upon your livelihood

The overwhelming realization that I can tell you anything

The beckoning pool that turns sorrows into necessary pieces of molecular composition

That reaches out and assuages my guilt, doubts and thoughts of betrayal

Tell me what you'd do for me. 

Never stop telling me you are mine. 

Remind me time and again that it's all real. 

For God strike me should you become habit

Break my bones and strip my flesh

Adorn me with scars of your love

Tear craters into my face, inject them with moonstone

So that I may know how deeply your essence clings to my marrow 

And if one day you choose to leave me

Just know you can't take it all with you

That despite destiny's call and fate's embrace

I'll hold onto these wounds of you long after your body fades

For I've already broken into the vault of you

And locked the door behind me. 

let me in

I saw the struggle
In the curve of your spine
When I opened that door
all my stress converged
for what you'd maybe done

But what I saw perhaps still worse
You're life flooded from your body
Pajamas for surrender, not comfort
You wouldn't show me your face

Quick, short, snappy remarks
How could one blunder
effect you so much
Yet here you are
ashamed and broken

Crouching down to take it all in
I ask to please let me help
The two words you muttered
stuck to me so
"no thanks"

With my charm wasted
and smile spent
I ask for your embrace
and you agree to it

Wrapping my arms
I bring your heart toward mine
but feel your lead body
grow more and more distant

You tell me to leave
And I of course do
Not man enough yet
To face you in your plight

I catch the first train
at the nearest station
and hang my head
weeping
weeping
for what you've become

Grounded

The tall tree shows us

What it wants us to see

Vibrant colors, lush leaves

A trunk sturdy and weathered

Bathed in sunlight mighty tree

Houses friends with tails and beak

Gentle with large doses of love

The rock of hope

Foundation's breath

But beneath the splendor

A dense network of past trials

Cements meaning from within

Reminding of purpose

If the tree had its way

It would bask in splendor 

A ripe incarnation 

Of heavenly bliss

Never lifting its veil

Nor opening up 

His job doesn't require

But his soul thirsts 

And one summer's noon

While munk and peck played

A man with metal 

Made the tree to his liking

When all but a stump 

Was torn from the world 

And critters scurried 

To some other branches

His essence was scrawled upon

His veined ligaments

They whispered of troubles

Never revealed

That though hidden from sight

Gave it all meaning. 

Men in worlds.

Creating a world. 

Now there's a responsibility 

Sculpting in your likeness 

And setting the pieces in motion

Watching it all unfold

And immersing yourself in the narrative

Every man creates a world in his likeness

Some pay it mind, dissecting each motive

Others wander through it

Tending to points of interest along the way

I long to create a world 

Exist intentionally alongside my creation 

Watch my muses make their choices

Then nurse the wounded soldiers 

And squeeze tight those with intuition

I want to thank the creations 

Who set themselves free of worldly tethers

And dwell in the abyss of possibility

Knowing full well that a world has been set before them

But realizing they aren't powerless to change it. 

Laughs for the Sinner

This way to the church

I'll show you my God

Ever present, ever faithful

No mysteries here

This way to salvation

Don't line up and wait

Just drink your fill

Then pass on the cup

This way to acceptance

No one's excluded 

The choice is all yours

Will you join us yet?

This way to happiness

In small little bursts 

That add up over time 

And pull you right in

This way to feel whole

Just shuck off the worry

And join in this jolly

Cadence of laughter