longing

I keep thinking it will get easier to live without you
it doesn't
I keep clinging to that past we shared
The one where you illuminated my world,
held it like an orb in your hand

I put my head down and try to move on
busying myself with the remedial
Eschewing flashing glimpses of your smile
That threaten my every step forward

There's a part of me that wants to hurtle
myself back at you
Show you that you need me-
that in a world of variables
I'm a constant

But I know I can't
This passion can't be restored
through desperate plunges toward hope
And so we part
For now, at least
__________________________

Part II

I walk alone in the moonlight
Under the watch of streetlamps and your eyes
They follow me in the humid darkness

And before I look left I think to myself
"What if you're there, staring at me?"
Dressed in tattered clothes with arms open
A cracked smile and teary eyes
Despair scrawled upon your etched complexion
"What if you want me still as much as I want you?"

So I turn my head

But you're not there
And I draw the air back into my lungs
Bite down hard
And walk upstairs to dwell in my longing